A Genius of Battle An Idiot at Baking
by Yami Dragoness of Dark
Summary: Gokudera was a master of making and executing battle plans. Sadly, baking has no part in battle, and he has just found an opponent he cannot hope to defeat. Chocolate mousse cake. Goku/Haru for Boo-chan's contest. T for language as always.


Greeting's all. Never thought there would be a day where I would do this pairing...but Boo-chan demanded it for the contest/channalange...fuck it's too early DX I can't spell. Whatever, anyways, I've been raicing Shara-chan to see who can finish first. And I do believe I win this round. 

Hikari: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Toitsu: Oh crap -_- sorry, we're all pretty sleepy. It's seven in the morning and we need to catch a plane in four hours. None of us are pleased. So, enjoy the story. Let's see... she called it

**A Genius of Battle... An Idiot at Baking**

Summary: Gokudera was a master of making and executing battle plans. Sadly, baking has no part in battle, and he has just found an opponent he cannot hope to defeat. Chocolate mousse cake.

Words: OVER ONE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! XD

Genre: romance/humor

rating: m for language.

I think that's it...I need to wake them up now, good day.

* * *

Gokudera had never met an opponent he couldn't beat after some strategizing, and every now and then a second go at said opponent. On the very rare occasion it might take a third time before he completely pulverized the damn bastard that had beaten him before. He was the Vongola Decimo's right-hand man. Nothing beat him for long. It was his duty to be the perfect combination of brains and brawn so that if the boss was ever unable to handle a matter, he could take his place. It was the right-hand man's job to be a model guardian.

But this…this _thing_ was beating him! Not once, not twice not even three times. Five. _Five _fucking times, it had thwarted him! Utterly humiliating him. Destroying what little dignity he had left! He stood there, covered from head to toe in a brown mud like substance. The once spotless kitchen was covered in the same matter. Growling, Gokudera glared at the only spotless thing in the kitchen. A book that lay open upon the countertop, proudly declaring a chocolate mousse cake recipe.

Fuck it all.

For the past few hours, Gokudera had holed himself up in the guardian's private kitchen, attempting to make his wife's favorite dessert; chocolate chip cake with dark chocolate icing, a middle of chocolate mousse, and thin cuts of chocolate on the top. There was a special version of it made only in Namimori that Haru absolutely loved. He wanted to make it for her, so he had ordered the bakery's cook book and here he was, in a messy kitchen, covered in chocolate cake batter.

To say the least he was not happy.

This was the one and only enemy that had given him so many problems. Even Haru when she was pregnant wasn't this difficult! It was a damn _cake_! How could it be causing him so much trouble!?

Okay, let's try again.

Gokudera sighed and returned to the basics.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, done. Combine one cup of granulated sugar, one cup of flour, and two tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa.

He did just take, carefully stirring the ingredients. Why was it unsweetened? Wouldn't it be better to just have it sweetened instead of having to add sugar?

Melt one fourth cup of butter with one half cup of water and one fourth cup of vegetable oil in a medium sauce pan. Bring to boil over medium-high heat.

Done that. Why was water and oil being combined? Weren't they opposed to each other?

Pour over ingredients and mix well. Add one egg, one fourth cup buttermilk, three fourths teaspoon of baking soda, and one half teaspoon of vanilla extract. Blend completely.

Okay, why buttermilk? Was it better than regular milk somehow? Was it the butter part? Butter had already been added!

Put into a ten by fifteen pan, bake for ten minutes.

Hmm…he could cut that time in half if he added some flame. But which one? He'd used rain, storm, cloud, and lightning. Sun is probably the best. Sun equals heat right? He added a bit of sun flames to the oven, shut it, and returned to the recipe.

Melt eleven ounces of semi-sweet, good quality chocolate and three ounces of butter together. Beat in four egg yolks as soon as chocolate melts. Let cool.

Why more butter? Why more eggs? Just egg yolks? That's the yellow parts right? How do you separate them? Rain flames should cool it quickly enough.

Beat eggs whites in a large bowl until stiff peaks form.

Peaks!?

In another bowl, beat one cup of whipped cream until similar peaks form. Fold into whipped cream. Fold egg whites/whipped cream into cooled chocolate mixture.

How do you fold something into something else!? It's fucking food!

Let cool.

More rain flames?

He was just spreading the rain flame on the outside edge of the bowl when the oven exploded yet again, releasing half baked pieces of cake and mixture everywhere. Gokudera threw up his hands to shield his face. Sadly, he wasn't quick enough. He got a face full of chocolate. Next to him, the bowl of chocolate and whipped cream exploded as the hot sun flames hit the rain cooled chocolate bowl.

Snarling, Gokudera wiped away the two mixtures, and looked around him. The kitchen was more of a mess now than it was before. With a yell, he threw the nearest bowl against a wall, turned, and slipped in a pile of failed cake. Just like in the old comedies, he did a wonderful three-sixty before falling hard on his back. Unlike the comedies, his head slammed into the ground and the world went black.

"…dera…"

He groaned.

"…ra!"

Something gently touched his forehead, brushing aside his hands.

"Gokudera!"

His eyes slowly opened and he winched. The dim lights of the infirmary were still much too bright for his liking. Turning his head to the side and his eyes fell upon an angel with beautiful brown hair and gorgeous chocolate eyes. He smiled and reached up, cupping her cheek. There was a bit of a surprise to see bandages wrapped around his hand. "What happened?"

Haru smiled down at him, "You fell and hit your head," he waved his bandaged hand around, "and cut yourself on some broken bowl shards. Now what in the world were you doing in there?"

"Trying to bake a cake," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead. There were bandages wound around his head, "for you…"

A little silverette popped up from under the bed. The girl giggled and reached out for Gokudera, who picked her up and placed her in his lap. "Papà, why's ya make kitchen messy?" demanded the intelligent five-year-old.

"Didn't mean to," Gokudera grumbled, cheeks turning red, "I was _trying_ to make a cake!"

"Why?" both of his girls demanded.

Gokudera rubbed the back of his head with his good hand. "'s for our anniversary." He looked away. Even after two years of dating, and six years married, he wasn't good at this romantic stuff. His and Haru's anniversary was today. He wanted to give her a cake that she couldn't have anymore since they lived in Italy.

Haru exclaimed softly before reaching out and hugging her husband. "Oh Hayato!" she kissed him. Himeko stuck her tongue out and gagged, "you're so sweet!"

"Stop it woman," he scowled, bright red now. Despite that, he put an arm around his wife, another around his daughter, who squealed and giggled.

"You know," Haru whispered, "I think I know a way you can still give me a wonderful anniversary."

.

.

.

He couldn't cook sweets and pastries at all. Unlike some men, it just hadn't been built into his central processor. Instead, Gokudera could make a mean Italian dinner. He also had a wonderful talent of mixing traditional Japanese cuisine with Italian food. It took a little help from Haru and Himeko, but dinner was made, and all three thoroughly enjoyed it. When Himeko was put to bed, the parents enjoyed the second part of their anniversary; the one that only adults were allowed to join in.

Midnight rolled around before the two finally curled up together, tired, and ready for a good night's rest. '"Hey Hayato?" whispered Haru sleepily, "Do you think Himeko would like a sibling?"'

"I sure hope so," Gokudera mumbled.

Haru paused. That was an odd comment to make. "Why?"

"Because the condom broke."

* * *

Yami: Last line equal lol. I laughed so hard while writing it. And my sisters bust out laughing after reading it. I sense a lot of laughs. :) here you all go. A humor story for making you all cry so much!

R&R

...and Shara-chan...I win this time...oh fuck I just lost the game.

Special thanks to my beta DSB-chan, who quickly edtited this silly thing so I could win this round :D


End file.
